A Material Girl

In this day and age does money really matter in relationships, or are we all spendaholics at heart?

Some boys hug me, some boys kiss me, I think they’re okay. If they don’t give me proper credit I just walk away.’ But do you? Do you really saunter away from something potentially ‘spesh’ because he ain’t got no dollah dollah, drives a Fiat Cinquecento and can only buy you ‘Paper Roses’ (cue Marie Osmond)? I know one minute we’re binge drinkers, the next we’re sexual predators, necking morning-after pills like they’re Smarties, but truly now, in these handbag driven times, have we really become perhaps a little overly materialistic? Should we in fact be buying less and living more?

Perhaps it is better to concern yourself more about Mr Right-Now’s charitable contributions and donor card selection, and less about his VIP black cards, and the quality of his Rolex Daytona. Maybe it is time to date someone who genuinely listens and takes an interest, rather than feigning it. So many men flee raving from coupledom, denying John Donne, insisting that they are indeed an island – Ibiza in fact.

Russian supermodel Natalia Vodianova was quoted once as confessing, archly, that her guilty pleasures were gambling and diamonds (part of me thinks, ‘How nice! Maybe we should hang out!’). Her statement could have made her sound sexy, and placed her coquettishly in the ironic-cool camp, but many of the members of the popular press had a simple verdict: crass.

Compare and contrast pauvre Natalia with gritty leading man James McAvoy and his talented actress wife Anne-Marie Duff. Formerly, they resided in a small flat in a relatively scruffy part of London. Latterly, they upgraded to a still-modest, three-bedroomed terrace house nearby. In keeping their feet on the ground, with their unglitzy style, they are very much a poster couple for new aspirationals. By that I mean they aspire to a kind of simple living that matches their values – a life filled with happiness, but not necessarily defined by conspicuous wealth, even if, like the McAvoys, you’ve got money. For those of you yearning for a simple life, far removed from Paris and Nicole’s efforts, growing tomatoes and quality time win over owning a west end townhouse or a McQueen cape.

The credit crunch and unstable financial markets don’t help those of us suffering from affluenza – that is, the spendaholics among us prone to losing an afternoon or three in a daze of exploration in Vivienne Westwood or Hermès.

Capitalism has run rampant. Did you know we are actually hard-wired to get a release of the good ol’ happy hormone dopamine when we make a purchase? (Ha! Now THERE’S an excuse for him!) After all, we were designed to be hunter-gatherers, to celebrate in garnering acquisitions, whether it’s a freshly skinned antelope or a new Chloe handbag. But this somewhat addictive rush passes in seconds. Hence why really, it is better to swap short-term fixes for long-term satisfaction. By that I mean an end to greed and materialism, and the creation of a mature and empathic, emotionally literate you.

On the same point though, baby steps ladies. You don’t have to immediately swap your four-wheel drive gas gobbler that smugly manages to make you look powerful AND rich. Maybe just have a charitable clear-out of last year’s more thoughtless purchases – your Ed Hardy tracksuit, your high-waisted hotpants that made your crotch feel like it was wearing a straightjacket… you get the idea. Try to think more of the value of caring for other people, and feeling connected to your children.

Mind you, when surveyed, 89% of adults believed that children today are more materialistic than previous generations.

Have a think, do you get emotionally blackmailed by your little princess? Is she more Jane from the Vulturi than Rainbow Bright? Remember Karl Marx (from Business Studies!); money is therefore not only the object but also the fountainhead of greed.

Quote: Did you know we’re actually hard-wired to get a release of happy hormone dopamine when we make a purchase?

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