The self-destructive path that led to a musical icon’s demise

She had five Grammys and millions in the bank but, by her own admission, all Amy Winehouse ever wanted was someone to love who loved her back. And in her quest for that love she stumbled her way along a dangerous, drug addled path that in the end led to her untimely death aged just 27.

Born Amy Jade Winehouse in September of ’83, Amy grew up surrounded by music and in her teens went on to attend a prestigious drama school. However, even then she was prone to acting out and was expelled aged 14. But it wasn’t until her 20s that what was once thought of as merely a mischievous streak became a full-blown predilection for self-destruction.
But the people who knew Amy personally describe a woman very different to the one portrayed in the media. They say, although she had a mouth on her like a trucker, she was painfully shy, sweet and naïve to a fault and perhaps most crucially – terribly insecure. In the past Amy spoke about her lack of self-confidence and how she dealt with the persistent insecurities that plagued her saying, “I’m quite an insecure person. I’m very insecure about the way I look. The more insecure I felt, the more I’d drink.”

It wasn’t just drink (and then later drugs) that she turned to, to quiet the demons in her head. She’s also said to have battled with bulimia and was a frequent self-harmer, often displaying slashes up and down her arms. It’s been said that she cut herself so much because the physical pain meant she could forget about the emotional pain that haunted her every waking moment. Although her self-loathing was at one time a secret she guarded closely, once the word was out that she had been in self-destruct mode for years she no longer cared who witnessed her self-loathing and during an interview in America, she stunned reporters by breaking a glass and carving the words ‘I love Blake’ into her stomach.

It was Blake Fielder-Civil who her father credits with introducing her to heroin and crack cocaine. Amy met Blake in a pub in the Camden area where she lived (and later died). He was in a relationship already but the pair fell head over heels in love instantly and thus began a heady, all-consuming, dangerous love affair that was riddled with mutual self-harming and drugs. After only knowing him one month Amy got her infamous ‘Blake’s’ tattoo over her heart. Yet five months later Blake left Amy to go back to his ex-girlfriend. It was then that Amy wrote the universally acclaimed album Back to Black. The heart-breakingly raw tales of love lost that made up the album resonated with listeners around the world and the album went on to sell six million copies, win five Grammys and earn the singer a reported £10 million. Perhaps it is unsurprising then that around the time of this massive success Blake reared his head again, splitting with his girlfriend and getting back together with Amy. The pair married shortly thereafter and the papers were full of pictures of the pair becoming more and more ensconced into a seedy world of drug binges and violent arguments. At the time they were likened to another tempestuous musical couple, Sid and Nancy (who both died young) but Amy didn’t see it that way. She often spoke about how all she wanted was a simple life as a mother and wife, she said, “I’ve always been a little homemaker. I was put here to be a wife and a mum and to look after my family.”

Therefore those close to the singer say that by marrying Blake she thought she could kick-start her ‘real’ future, white picket fence and all.

However the pair divorced two years after they wed and many hoped that Amy would be able to turn her life around once she was free of the destructive relationship.

At the time of Amy’s death Blake was serving a 32-month sentence in prison. When he was told of her passing he collapsed to the ground sobbing and has since been on suicide watch. That day he told a newspaper, “I will never ever again feel the love I felt for her. Everybody who knew me and Amy knew the depth of our love. I can’t believe she’s dead.”

Blake’s mother Georgette Civil has expressed the guilt her son feels about Amy’s death but that she also feels guilty. She said, “I put pressure on Blake to divorce Amy, but they should have stayed together. If you see pictures of them while they were married, and again after they divorced, the sparkle is gone from both of them.”

Amy’s own mother, Janis, spent years sick with worry about her tormented daughter and has been left devastated by her passing. However Janis knew as far back as five years ago that her daughter was dicing with death because of her addictions. She said in 2007, “She’s on a path of self-mutilation and lucky to be alive. It’s like a sickness but she cannot see it.”

Amy and her family were very close and so it made it all the more difficult for them to watch as she continued to spiral out of control.

However until recently the family had reason to hope that Amy had turned a corner. She quit ‘hard’ drugs whilst spending time in St Lucia working on her third album, which is now said to be complete. But it was her battle with alcohol that ultimately could not be overcome and so she continued to while away the days in an alcoholic stupor. Yet when she returned to London she seemed to be making a real effort to curb her alcohol addiction.

The owner of the local café she used to often frequent claimed that she had been trying to quit alcohol on the run up to her death. He said, “She would always come here with her bodyguards, sometimes twice a day. But in the last two, three weeks she didn’t drink. She said she had given up. She told me, ‘I’m not drinking. Don’t give me anything to drink if I ask for it. I mustn’t have it.’”

That was only a week before her death. At the time of print it was not yet known exactly what happened in the hours leading up to her bodyguard finding her alone and dead in bed. It is known that she met with her mother the day before and the pair spent ‘a lovely afternoon’ together. Janis has since explained that she hugged her daughter tightly goodbye on the front steps of her Camden home and Amy kissed her on the cheek saying, “I love you mum.” She died hours later.

Janis says, “They are the words I will always treasure and always remember Amy by.”
There has been much written about her inclusion into the ’27 club’ as she died just a few weeks shy of her 28th birthday. The ‘club’ includes other tortured musical geniuses such as Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix.
This led some to wonder if she has purposefully ‘given up’ hope, especially when paired with the fact that she was ‘devastated’ after the break up of her most recent relationship with film director Reg Traviss. However, Reg has spoken about how Amy, who had been due to attend a family wedding the day after her death, had laid out a selection of dresses for the event and had told her friends how excited she was about it. So her family cling to the small mercy that her death was accidental.

Whatever can be said about Amy and her lifestyle during her short 27 years, everyone can agree on the fact that she was a supremely talented girl, who was too emotionally fragile, addictive and self-destructive for this world, as most of the great geniuses of our time have been. 

What our readers had to say when we asked…
“Amy Winehouse; the death of a legend or a terrible tragedy waiting to happen? What are your thoughts?”

Marcus K: “Sad story of a 27-year-old star! If she never met that Blake she’d still be singing and be on a ‘natural high’. RIP Amy it was just a matter of time! Back to black!”
Liz Z: “The death of a wonderful singer, but a train crash just waiting to happen. RIP Amy.”         
Amy S: “No person deserves to die. Amy Winehouse could’ve maybe prevented her death if she didn’t take drugs and drink, but at the end of the day she’s still somebody’s daughter… So RIP Amy Winehouse, the music legend.”
Aamar Q: “Amy’s death is very sad, inevitable to some people I’m sure, but tragic nonetheless. She was unequalled when it comes to talent. What a waste.”          
Laura P: “Amy Winehouse's death was very sad; however (whilst she was an addict – and that’s an illness) she still took her first illegal substance for pleasure, sending her on a slippery slope and that is her own fault. Her so-called ‘friends’ should have stopped partying with her and being in awe of her, and told her instead what a terrible mess she was. Not someone to go down in history as being admired I’m afraid.”           
Derek Reid: “Whilst Amy’s death was self inflicted, she had a short gifted life which should be remembered by her music and how addictions can take hold of anyone. However, the deaths of people in Norway, China and our Armed Forces should be taken into reflection more so as these are real tragedies in life… Rip all.”

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