No.1 for Beauty



Columnist 1
Jam and Jerusalem....and Marmalade Forever

Woman's Institute pursuits have always fascinated me, ever since I first heard the intriguing words "Knitting Bee" as a very young child. You can imagine my disappointment when I later discovered this has nothing to do with our insect friends! The WI champion such activities, but what about out with their sanctum, at what age is it okay to make jam without being given an odd look?

I must say I got more than an odd look when 4lbs of Seville oranges arrived at my work a few years ago. My Mother had decided that now I was over thirty I needed to start making marmalade. The shear cost of posting all those oranges made me feel I had no choice but to oblige-I've still got jars of it in the cupboard yet! I'm not sure what made her decide I was ready; maybe she finally thought I was old enough to use the cooker unaided, "It gets VERY hot!!"

But if jam making is still the 'preserve' of the older generation, the same can't be said about home-baking. I'm sure Carrie Bradshaw has to take a lot of the credit for the rebirth of the humble cupcake. I, unfortunately, have missed out on this phenomena, due to having been diagnosed with coeliacs disease a few years ago. When, on a rare occasion, I have discovered gluten free cupcakes, I have gorged myself unashamedly. It almost feels like my duty to sample as much gluten free cake as I can, as if carrying out some form of secret market research. I have tried to make my own gluten free cakes, let's just say they won't be gracing the tables of our agricultural show's rural tent any time soon, our local WI ladies can sleep easy. And I'll never again serve up anything I bake to someone without cutting into it first, a mistake I made with my in-laws recently! I was mortified when I realised they were desperately trying to swallow my cake without gagging, whilst all the time trying to look like they were enjoying it to save my embarrassment! Gluten Free Sponge Cake! It's almost an oxymoron! When I think of the damage it would have caused had it fallen off the table!

Pretending you like someone's home baking is one thing but it can be a veritable mine field out there. I once met a friend of a friend who quite obviously had made her own dress. I didn't know her well; she was studying medicine with my flatmate. Just as I was about to ask, "Did you make your dress yourself?" I stopped myself. If I'd noticed she'd made it herself it would mean that it looked homemade! I very much doubted this was the desired effect so I said, "I like your dress." (Slight lie) to which she replied, "I made it myself." Fein surprise,"Oh Wow!" Disaster averted! She's now a GP - not a surgeon thankfully.

I have never attempted to make my own clothes, however, whilst pregnant with my first child, I decided I would try to turn my hand to that classic WI pastime and knit him/her a little jumper. I discovered how seriously this hobby is taken by people on going into a few local wool shops. I made the mistake of asking my friend, who was with me, if she remembered how to cast on. I thought the woman behind the till was literally going to snatch back the knitting needles I had just bought in disgust. "Maybe this is not for you" she spat. I found myself bizarrely trying to convince this rude woman that I was serious about my new interest and was sure it would all come flooding back to me. I probably should have admitted defeat then, but no, I persevered and a few long weeks later I was getting the hang of it. So much so that the 'jumper' started off relatively loose, getting tighter as my knitting improved. This resulted in an odd, pyramid shaped garment with an opening at the neck barely big enough for an orange to pass through. The thought of this made me shed an ironic tear as I gave birth to my 9lb 6oz baby two weeks later. I maybe should have joined a 'stitch and bitch' group. I just worry that the people who go to these classes are one step away from those knitting guerrillas who sit in the front rows of rock concerts clicking away. I don't think this does much for the cause; goodness knows what the Institute think. It's more likely to confirm people's suspicions that, excluding the over sixties, it's an activity for eccentric Alice band wearers.

There is something very satisfying about producing something yourself though, other than babies. I know WI members and retired people seem to have more time on their hands to follow such pursuits, but why wait? Maybe we should take some inspiration from them and take an hour out of our busy lives to switch off and totally submerse ourselves in some of these activities. It's probably healthier than watching a soap which would have you slitting your wrists by the end-well unless you're eating one of my gluten free cakes that is!

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